🔭 Wonderer’s Log #024: Expedition to Hold and Let Go - Arc of Deliberate Becoming - Odyssey of the Wild Truth
This is where my mind, heart, and action converge - footprints on a shared journey.
So that together we can explore and share what it means to lead with quiet conviction, honour our bandwidth, and become without breaking.
✨ Summary
This expedition arrived as a cascade. Cognitive saturation paired with emotional ache, with a quiet but looming pressure of needing to hold everything together. Professional tasks whirred—analytics, conversion, internal logistics—and creative dreams jostled for breath amid responsibility. Relationally, I struggled to show up for those I love, not from disinterest, but because of a cognitive grip I couldn’t unhook from. Even my choir performance—a source of joy—felt like it ambushed me. My internal affect remains flattened by meds and neurodivergent wiring, and still, somewhere inside the blur, I reached toward clarity. Toward caring. Toward showing up. This wasn’t an expedition of triumph, but of quiet fidelity to the life I’m crafting.
📚 Read / Listened To
🎧 The Tim Ferriss Show
(#813) Q&A with Tim — Three Life Commandments, 4-Hour Workweek Exercises I Still Use, The Art and Joy of Inefficiency, Stoicism Revisited, and Much More (Website or Spotify)
(#814) Chatri Sityodtong, CEO of ONE Championship — From Dirt Poor to Top-10 Sports-Media Franchise, The $100M Breakfast, Dominating Social Media (30B+ Views/Year), Key Strategic Decisions, and The Moneyball of Fight Matchmaking (Website or Spotify)
📖 This is Strategy by Seth Godin (Amazon) - Still Reading.
🗞️ Seth’s Blog - Seth Godin (Newsletter)
🗞️ Brain Food - Shane Parris (Newsletter)
🗞️ Adam Mastroianni (Newsletter)
🧭 Reflections
🗂️ From the Project Manager's Desk
"Hi Team, even when everything is piling up, you’ve managed to get things sorted and communicated in a compassionate and effective way. I am lost for words at just how much material is in play right now, and how well you manage it all. Our team would not be able to function without your dedication and care.
You clearly come to the table and bring your full self, offering your time and energy with serious intent toward solving the problems we all face. Some might see this as folly, but the thing is: everyone around you is appreciative and grateful. Sometimes I wish everyone brought this same care.
The best way I can describe it is not as care for the business, or even for the concept of the product—but a deep care for the people you engage with in the workspace. You ensure they’re not overloaded wherever possible, while still helping stretch their horizons. And it’s also a care for the people who receive the service.
The finesse I see around this care isn’t brute force. It’s quick but considered, deliberate and strong. Please know we have the greatest respect for you, and we see you as a pillar we can rest on when we need to, because you always make time to bring us together and hold us when we’re down.
Thank you, please let us know if you need any help.
💬 Advice from My Best Friend
“Hey mate, it's another one of those weeks where I’m not quite sure what to say. Advice in a tough week like this always feels misplaced, because what you seem to need instead is love, respect, and care.
So, what are your goals? More writing? Getting everything done? Maybe my advice could be something along the lines of: allow yourself a week to have only one goal. That’s unlikely to happen, of course, you’re a very busy man after all. But simply giving yourself a benchmark to return to might make it easier to drop the other things.
The hard part is discerning what that one thing is: plans, getting punched in the face/contact with the enemy, and all that. How can you make those definitions robust enough so that when things get hard, you can scale it back? Maybe it’s about the pursuit of an identity, or the pursuit of a higher-level “project” name with a reduced scope of action.
For instance, if trying to get three posts sorted feels like too much, maybe you say: “I want to do Wondering Chris Blog Work” (more abstract), and “I simply have to open some of it, not do more” (reduced action scope). It’s taking it back to a habit, but allowing things to become genuinely less complex while still laddering up. It makes it easier for your action to be successful, and even exceed your own definition of success.
Does it feel like a cop-out? That would make sense, and at the same time, that’s likely a negative belief or an expectation that’s seriously mismatched with your reality. I say this with love: that’s a denial of reality.
Assess how much energy you have right now on a scale of 1–10. Then, figure out how much effort you think the task will take—also on a scale of 1–10. The difference is your current disappointment score. Aim to either bring the expected effort down by changing the scope, or find ways to make it easier to put in the effort.
Look, I think that’s enough from me for now. I hope you find a way forward that’s helpful. Reach out if you need anything at all.
Love you, dude.
”
🧓 Elder You Has Some Thoughts
⚠️ Worst Timeline Warning: “Young one, don’t ignore your tripwires. They’re not weakness, they’re warning bells. Hear them. Heed them.” 🌟 Best Timeline Encouragement: “My thoughtful child, you don’t have to prove anything by burning out. Seek clarity. Choose rest. You’re already becoming.”
🧠 Narrative Affirmations
I am a cartographer of emotion, mapping even the muted lands with intention.
I am learning to prioritise as an act of compassion toward myself and others.
I am becoming, not performing—and that is more than enough.
🌱 Expedition’s Wisdoms
Use One Goal to Anchor the Chaos - In the overwhelm, choose one steady thread. Let it tether you when everything else begins to blur. Let Emotional Bandwidth Define Your Capacity - Your affect isn’t the enemy—it’s a compass. Follow its signals. Pace accordingly. Create Before You Complicate - Even small, dumb experiments can yield deep insights. Don’t wait for the perfect system—just begin. Seek Becoming Over Having - No one can take who you’re becoming. Align your actions with the person you wish to be, not the things you wish to own. Pace Yourself Through Priorities, Not Pressure - When everything feels urgent, the act of choosing what matters most becomes both compass and relief. Prioritisation is not a retreat—it’s intelligent self-respect. Trust Intuition as Emotional Intelligence - That flicker to reach out, to soften, to rest—it’s not laziness or indulgence. It's insight made felt before it becomes logical.
🔍 Pattern Noticed: I've noticed a pattern that when I attempt to do everything simultaneously, I don’t just overextend—I become resentful. My generosity turns brittle. My care, transactional. But when I focus on one intention, I return to spaciousness.
💡 Questions I’m Sitting With:
What might I be misinterpreting as a pattern today—and what truth is actually present?
What one thing can I place in reach—or out of reach—to support the person I’m becoming?
Is there something I’ve made, felt, or realised that feels selfish not to share?
What small thing could I do today that feels human, not perfect?
What matters most today—and what can fall away without losing who I am?
🌗 Effort & Practice Reflections
🧍♂️ Personal & Pursuits & Presence
Completed my Wonderer’s Log and held the space for it, even when emotionally drained.
Learned and applied new statistical heuristics to improve my decision-making landscape.
Finalised overdue analytics work and made minor process upgrades.
Realigned a complex internal project for future automation.
Progressed corporate enrolments and refined communication strategies.
🟢 What I Navigated Well - I navigated emotional depletion by allowing presence, not perfection, to define success. Even with flattened affect and cognitive fatigue, I returned to work that matters. I softened instead of snapping—and that counts.
🟡 Where I Lost the Map (But Found Myself) - I lost my way when I mentally dropped the ball on personal priorities. There was no ill intent—just saturation. But in that fog, I recognised a deeper truth: my emotions aren’t missing, they’re muffled—and they deserve more air.
🔴 The Crash Site Report (With Kind Debrief) - I experienced a setback when I tried to show up fully for others without reserving anything for myself. I gave from depletion. The lesson? Capacity is not endless. I’ll recover by setting a threshold—not for giving, but for self-honouring.
🏕️ Expedition’s Momentum
💛 Celebrated Effort | 🔵 Wholehearted Effort | 🟢 Gentle Effort | 💚 Deliberate Pause | 🔴 No Spark
| Effort | Category | Complete |
|---|
Not Aligned:
Exploring Openly – I resisted leaning into discomfort around emotional vulnerability with loved ones, defaulting instead to intellectual maximisation.
Collaborate Openly – I struggled to ask for help or share my full internal load, even when support was available.
Respecting and Empathising – I missed showing up emotionally to plan for a loved one’s birthday, not out of disinterest but from cognitive saturation. I need to priortise this now.
Aligned
Take Action if Unsure – I moved through my analytics and blog work without waiting for ideal circumstances or capacity—just a commitment to keep going.
Streamline to Solve Problems – I simplified complex reporting systems and found clearer ways to display data—practical, elegant, and purposeful.
Offering Love – Despite the noise, I reached out to a friend with warmth, clarity, and trust in my intuition—an act of generosity and alignment.
⏩ Next Expedition’s Intentions
Complete the next Learned Wisdom post, prioritising presence over polish.
Finalise and publish the pending Thought Voyager.
Celebrate my loved one’s birthday with full-hearted attentiveness and joy.
📡 Resonant Truths
"Seek becoming. Seek a power and a life where you listen to your feelings about who you wish to become." - Wondering Chris
"Having is how the world manipulates you. Becoming is how you reclaim your life." - Wondering Chris
"Your bandwidth is a resource—observe it, don’t resist it." - Wondering Chris
"If it feels selfish to keep it to yourself, you’ve struck something meaningful." - Wondering Chris
"When everything feels like too much, choose one intention and let it anchor you." - Wondering Chris
"You can’t control your capacity—but you can curate what enters it." - Wondering Chris
"You don’t have to prove your care by burning yourself out." - Wondering Chris
Let’s hold this next breath lightly. Not because it’s easy, but because it’s ours.
Until next time,
Chris, the Wonderer
Next Thought Voyager:
-
00Days
-
00Hours
-
00Minutes
-
00Seconds
🌌 More Wonderings Beyond This Path – Curiosity Leads, Wonder Follows:
In the Same Vein – Keep Wondering
A New Trail to Wonder
